Immediately stop whatever you are doing and race, I tell you, race to your nearest "Outdoors" store and buy one.
Stop! Come back!
Wait until after you finish reading this, people! Be patient!
You don't even know what you're getting yet.
So settle down.
But then you must hurry.
It's a trail camera.
A nifty little device that you place outdoors to take pictures of
It's a camera equipped with a motion detector, and is commonly used by hunters and other outdoorsmen to keep track of critters, livestock, poachers, and trespassers.
Here's what you do.
Go to the "Outdoors" store.
Approach the counter where the 12 year-old-boy child is masquerading as a 16 year-old employee.
Say to him, "I want one of the camera thingies that you strap on a tree to take pictures of wild pigs and such."
He will stare at you with distant 12 year-old eyes.
Then you will say with authority, "Listen here son, don't you understand technical, outdoor saavy-type talk?"
And then logic will kick in and he will lead you straight to the trail cameras.
Here's what you won't do.
You won't buy the most expensive one because:
1) That's just craziness
2) They have some fancy-schmancy infrared thingie that doesn't make a "flash" and thus won't "technically" scare away the animals. They also pick up motion great distances away, like in outer space, and I suppose would "technically" be the best model to use in case you didn't want to throw the space shuttle off course (you know, the whole flash in the driver's eye thing.)
and MOST IMPORTANTLY
3) You don't want The Chief to get the vapors and pass out if he happens to see the receipt.
You also won't buy the cheapie-cheapie model because it looks like it came out of a Cracker Jack box. And if my mood ring from 7th grade is any indication, things out of a Cracker Jack box will last about two weeks tops.
So you'll get the nice middle of the road model in an attractive camouflage finish.
And you might get lucky and see this!!!!!!!
And, Oops, I think he may have been thrown a tad off course.
And you'll notice that this is either a huge mutated racoon, or the camera is almost on ground level.
Well, look people.
I wanted to put the camera in this particular area infested by mesquite bushes. Nothing at all in the vicinity to strap the camera to...
And unless you have felt the pain of a mesquite thorn going through your flip-flop or your city-girl New Balance tennis shoes and embed itself two inches deep in the flesh of your heel,
lost all feeling in your right hand for three days due to multiple thorn stab wounds while trying to pick the biggest, juiciest berries which always grow under the biggest, baddest mesquite bushes,
you just don't understand the danger.
Mesquite thorns, they are of the devil.
But lest you think Raccoon boy is the star of this show...
Take a look at this...
And this People!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This, my friends, is a real-life Bobcat in the flesh.
In all of his natural, nocturnal glory.
Oh my goodness, the excitement just makes my heart all aflutter!
Run and get one.
The possibilities for fun
and, I daresay,
for getting in trouble,
Oh and I deleted the picture, but we thought we had definitive photographic evidence of Big Foot,
you know, Sasquatch...
But disappointingly it turned out to be my heavily bearded, long-haired oldest son.