Just Call Me an Authority

Not to brag, but there ARE a few things I'm an expert on.

Expert in.

On.

Whichever.

I'll keep the list short for two reasons.


First, I don't want to seem cocky.

And second,

well,

The list is just short.


Here they are:


1) Pancakes

Why do you think my pancakes are officially named

"Lu's World Famous Pancakes"?

Huh?

It's not because they're not good, I'll tell you that Mister.

And the fact that I actually made up the name myself

is,

just

well,

a technicality.

So don't challenge me to a pancake throwdown.

You'll regret it.



2)  Making up words for things I can't think of the name for.

Dumaflitchy, dillywhopper...

All from me.

And rumor has it that my  famous

and most frequently quoted "hooie-hoo" is just

this close,

I tell you This Close,

to making Webster's.

hooie-hoo: (noun) - a general term describing the object you can't think of the name for

(i.e.)  Where is that darn hooie-hoo I just had on my desk?


and

3)  Sweating

Let me tell you,

You wont find anyone else with as much

experience,

expertise,

and I daresay finesse

in the sweating department.

And  I ask you kindly,

if you are under the impresssion

that I am

supremely

sophisticated,

and refined,

stop reading now.


You'll be

disillusioned


But for the rest of you,

Here are the facts.

(The Chief loves it when I Stick to the Facts)

I sweat.

Frequently and copiously.

It's not an underarm problem,

it's my upper lip

and

my knees.

It's really hard to look cool, calm, and collected

when your

lip is dripping

and your socks are soaked.

I'm so sorry if this offends some of you.

It's just that I like to stay seasonal with my topics here on Mudpuddle.

And for me it's sweating season.

And although I don't sweat when I'm nervous,

(I actually yawn when I'm nervous - which is really inconvenient during important things like

job interviews

or

my own wedding...)

But I do sweat when I'm hot.

And man is it hot.



So if you need any advice on the above topics,

just give me a shout.

I'm your go-to girl.