Unfortunately The Weege has not lifted his body
even once
from the chaise lounge on the patio
since we got back from our vacation.
WAIT!!!
I went out to take his picture and he had MOVED!!!
He had apparently WALKED to the front yard!
This is such an encouraging sign!
But still,
Homeboy's a little pooped.
He expended more energy in the 10 days we were gone
than he normally does in a month.
Or three.
I've been attempting to turn him over
every couple of hours
to prevent bed sores,
but he's currently unable to blog.
Or walk very far.
Without assistance.
So you'll have to put up with me today.
Weegie will be blogging again
just as soon as he recovers.
Today I thought I'd share some of my "Things to Never Do".
I seem to have a vast array from which to choose.
Don't Be Me.
1. Never take a large group of hormonal 8th graders into a small, cramped, pitch black portable planetarium without first separating the boys from the girls.
Just don't.
2. Never lose the keys to the Big Tractor.
3. Never say the following: "Oh, I know it looks like poison ivy, but it's not. Don't worry. I have a Biology degree."
4. Never buy a pair of boots that are 1/2 size too small because they don't have your size, and you love them and think that if you wear them you will look Young and Hip.
What actually happens is that the pain they cause your feet will deepen the wrinkles on your face, make you walk with a limp, and you'll look older (and much less Hip) than everyone's great grandmother.
5. Never lose the key to the Barn.
6. Never walk a mile and a half in the dark to use a chemical toilet in a National Forest without a flashlight.
7. Never substitute cucumbers for zucchini in a baked casserole dish.
8. Never assume that you look good in a large-flowered orange and red shirt.
9. Never, ever lose the keys to The Chief's truck.
10. Never think that if you are using an exfoliating cleanser on your face, and scrub harder and harder to exfoliate more and more that it won't leave a mark.
11. Never admit to The Chief that the reason you're not eating much at dinner is because you ate enough for three people during the cooking process.
12. Never assume that you will EVER remember where you hid something for safekeeping.
Trust me on this.
13. Never eat 7 pieces of the most wonderful Gourmet Pizza in Santa Fe, only to discover immediately afterward that the smooth, creamy, little potato-like morsels absolutely covering it were slow-roasted whole garlic cloves which do unspeakable things to one's stomach.
14. Never put Henna on your hair on a Friday Night while you're in college just because you don't have a date.
15. Never read a series of books out of numerical order. It can cause permanent psychological damage.
16. Never take the size jeans you "think" you wear into the dressing room. Take the next 2 larger sizes.
17. Never bring Weegie back into the house when you think maybe, probably, perhaps he MIGHT have been sprayed by a skunk.
18. Never try to logically explain to The Chief why you did #17.
19. Never assume that you think like Normal People.
20. Never forget the toilet paper in #6.
I'm glad to be back!
Lu
4 comments:
Welcome home. A couple of questions:
#14.Do you have a photo of yourself with red hair?
#13. Upper Crust Pizza in Santa Fe?
Thanks taking the time to blog.
K
Tell The Weege my Granddogs think he's a rockstar. Weekends at a real farm? Throw it down!
Bev, he'll be thrilled!
Never tell people what your kids will "never" do.
Never leave a job you love for one with more money.
Never ask your husband if your butt looks big in those jeans.
Never assume the men in your house know how to sort the laundry.
Never assume above men know what "clean the bathroom" means.
Never think that you can still remove your contacts if you get fake nails.
Never think that ANYTHING you tell ANYONE else will remain a secret.
Never "guess" if the flour in the canister is self-rising or all-purpose.
I have others, but I'll stop!
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