Monday, April 26, 2010

Envy, Jealousy, and Lust are All Bad Things

Bad, bad, bad, that's what they are.

And don't you forget it.

What I'm writing about today is wrong,

very wrong.

Please turn your head and look away or quickly run from your computer if you don't want to involve yourself in such scandal.

I'm just trying to warn the innocent.

I don't need Another Thing to feel guilty about.

It all started so casually,

It always does, doesn't it??

It was a perfectly innocent conversation with a Former High School Classmate during which we "attempted" to catch each other up on the last thirty few years of our lives.

Jo is a sweet, charming person with a wonderful life and family in the Hill Country. 

We share a lot of common interests,

like food.

And let's see,

food.

And Oh yes, I forgot to mention

Food.

I mean the girl makes her own feta cheese and has wild leeks growing all around her home!

She owns an antique store.

She has the most enviable curly hair

Ever.



Can I get an Amen from all of my "Terminally Straight-Haired Sisters" out there?

(Fist Pump)

Peace Out and Solidarity and all that!

But it's not her gorgeous hair,

or the cheese,

or the leeks,

or The Hill Country (well maybe a little),

or her builder husband (although  he's really cute ((please see picture above)) and I'm sure capable of eliciting all of the feelings in the Title of this blog)

Er..

uh,

well...

OK,

I'm absolutely sure that this is one of those instances in which The Chief would politely suggest I

"Please get to the Point".

So no, it's none of those things that caused me to do these bad things,

It's this...



Her (gulp) Own Personal Kitchen...

Excuse me while I faint.

It's incredible.

Wonderful.

I want to cook in it.

Heck, what am I saying?

I'd be happy to be her Personal Dish Washer

if I got to be in it.

Look upon it.

Now let me make it perfectly clear -

I have my own great kitchen.

Really great.

But let's face it.

Jo's is a Dream Kitchen.

A heavenly place where I'm sure the cook sprouts Angel's Wings every time they use that

great stove or

fridge, or sink,

or pot filler or

(please get ready to catch me when I swoon again),

PANTRY WITH AN OLD SCREEN DOOR

or

merely steps foot upon that floor...

And the best, most amazing thing?

Her husband did it himself!

A big Shout Out to the Husband!

So thanks Jo, for letting me post the picture and share my envy, jealousy and lust with the world!!!

I'm just forthright like that...



Now I should probably go

and give Myself

40 (or so) lashes.

Disclaimer: 

I Repeat

All of these things are very bad...

Do not involve yourself in such as this...

Thank You

and

Goodbye.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Interview with a Farm Dog


As many of you are aware, E.G. (aka Weegie, The Weege, Mr. Pants) has gained quite a following  here at MUDPUDDLE.


In an effort to satisfy the curiosity of his loyal fans, I'm posting an exerpt from an interview conducted with Weegie upon his return from his last weekend trip to the farm.

Lu:  "Weege, everyone knows you have a number of nicknames, but the one moniker of which you are most proud is "Farm Dog", can you tell us why?"

W: "Sure Mom.  It defines who I am, who I was always meant to be.  The Corgi  (that's me, Mom) was bred for herding sheep and cattle. Our short stature (no stubby legs jokes please!) and low center of gravity allow us to nip at the heels of the cattle and avoid being kicked, while enabling us to make sharp, quick turns to keep all the cows in line."

"You've seen me work Mom, you know what I can do."

Lu: "Well yes, Weege, I've seen you in action and it is certainly a sight to behold... 

I'm especially remembering that time with the donkey...

What was it again that went wrong that time????"

W:  "I've asked you to quit bringing that up.  It's over.  Let's move on shall we?"

Lu: "Sorry, of course. Now in order to delve a little deeper into your love of all things "farm"  why don't you tell us what you like most about being there?"

W:  "Sure, no problem.  To make it easy and concise for your readers I'll list the top 3 reasons I love being at the farm - you know I'm a sequential kind of guy and lists just work for me. 

Here in the city I like to :

1.  eat

2.  sleep



and

3.  eat

So a list about the farm is simple.

1.  Being with The Chief all day.

2.  Riding in the Mule.

3.  Cow poop


There you go Mom.  That's it."

Lu:  "OK, let's talk about The Chief.  What exactly is it that you like about spending so much time with him there?"

W:  "We do things, Mom.  Accomplish things, Git 'er done, so to speak.  Sometimes necessary things like feeding and herding the cows,


or fixing fence,

or repairing essential farm equipment.



I mean somebody has to keep the place in working order, and that's what we do. 

And sometimes, we'll let loose and do some just plain fun stuff like brush burnin'...

But mostly we make progress, move things along.

And Mom, honestly, it's The Chief... What is there not to like?"

Lu:  "Well, that's very interesting.  Let's move on to the Mule.  Why are you so enamored of it?"

W:  "I Love The Mule.




If you'd let me, I 'd stay in it all the time.

I'd sleep there.

I'd take my meals there, do everything there...

I like sitting right by The Chief, right on his level. 

I feel proud.

I feel free.

The wind's in my face, I have a 360 degree view of all the action, and everyone and everything can see me.

You know how those buzzards circle overhead sometimes and I like to bark at them?  Well they know that when I'm in the Mule I'm a moving target,
they can barely keep up...

Kind of like a guessing game-one minute I'm here, the next I'm gone.

Yes sir, I'm wily like that.

And finally Mom, there's no better place to relax after a hard day of farm work."




Lu:  "That's another interesting insight Weegie, thanks for sharing.

I suppose we need to get to #3 on your list,

as much as I'd like to avoid it...

It does seem to be an integral part of your "farm world".

Can you explain?"

W:  "Absolutely.  Mom, you know that perfume you like, What is it?  Something like Happy or Pleasure or something... You know how you say it's your scent, how it doesn't smell the same on anyone else as it does on you?

Well that's how I feel about cow poop.

It's my scent.

The fresher the better.

And Mom, I've got to say that I still get a kick out of the look on your face every time I roll in some of the fresh stuff and try to come in the farmhouse.

It's priceless.  We should put a picture of that on this  blog.

Yes sir.  Good stuff, good stuff..."

Lu:  "I'm glad you find these things so funny E.G., and while we're on the subject I feel I should point out that I find it somewhat insulting that my name doesn't appear anywhere on your list.

Despite the very real fact that I am the one who:

1.  makes sure you have food and water for all this hard work you do

2.  makes Homemade Buttermilk Pancakes for you and your precious Chief every Saturday morning!

3. puts you in the bathtub and washes off all the disgusting #3 stuff in your list above, so you can sleep on your favorite leather couch after a tough day as a "Farm Dog",

4.  picks the grass burs out of your paws...

5.  makes sure you don't stay out too late at night and wander too far from the farmhouse lest the Large Predatory Cat should get you!!!!

No, E.G. I think this interview is over..."

W:  "Wait! Mom!  Where are you going...  You're on the list - right after Lake Swimming



Yes!  You're definitely just after lake swimming and before skunk-sniffing

That put's you at an 8, Mom, an, Eight!!

Mom?  Did you hear me?  You're before skunk-sniffing!

That's impressive Mom!

Just think about it!

Mom??

Mom?  I suppose this wouldn't be the most opportune time for me to ask about those Pupperoni Treats I saw you bring in from the store....

Mom?"

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I Want One Of These...Bad.

I woke up last Friday morning and found myself in Seattle.

This happens on occasion.

The part about waking up and finding myself somewhere other than where I normally wake up,

not necessarily the Seattle part.

And, OK, I should probably say that I mean that in the "Sometimes I Don't Pay Attention to Where I'm Going 'til I Get There" kind of way, not in the "Oh My Goodness She Must Have Been Intoxicated" kind of way.

So we're all clear on that,

Right?

Anyhoo, not only was I in Seattle, I was in Pike's Place Market, surely one of the most interesting places a foodie can find themselves on a Friday morning.



Or a Tuesday for that matter.

Now most people immediately think "fish throwing" when you mention Pike's Place Market,



unless of course you've never heard of Pike's Place or know very little about it, in which case you might, upon hearing it's name, think of mountain climbing or what's for dinner, or how very odd your cousin's children are...

But to those of you who immediately thought "fish throwing",

let me just say this...



the whole fish throwing thing is staged and methodical and you just don't get the feeling that those guys are throwing the fish for any reason other than so that you can take a picture.

The fish throwing is forgettable at best,

On the other hand, the UNFORGETTABLE things were this,



and this



and this


and Mercy me this


and Oh My Goodness this




and Heaven Help me this




and it was just around the corner from these luscious berries that

I Fell In Love.

Became Infatuated.

I know it was wrong, but I couldn't help myself.

I tried desperately to hide it from The Chief

But he saw the look on my face.

I fell hard ...

For this....


The Belshaw Mark II Series Donut Robot

Excuse me while I swoon all over again.

The picture really doesn't do it justice.

It was steamy from the hot grease,

and from my breath

as I pressed my face as close as possible against the plexiglass enclosure surrounding it.

The Mark II can make up to 42 dozen mini donuts an hour.

The batter is funneled out in perfect little mini donut shapes straight into the hot oil.

Then they float along daintily in the oil until they reach a fascinating little conveyor belt that dumps them into



the tiered display holder.

Swoon....

Then they are either covered in powdered sugar, cinnamon sugar, or dipped in chocolate.

Can you say YUMMMMM?

I immediately said to The Chief  "Can I have one?" "Will you buy me one?"

"Sure", he said. "Anything for You!"

My heart leapt!!!!!!!!!  I was getting a DONUT ROBOT!

"Do you want powdered sugar or cinnamon?"

Darn The Chief.

And Darn his Pesky Practicality.

He tried to distract me with these



But my heart is set on the Mark II.

I'm still working on him.

I'll keep you in the loop!