Does Anyone Have Dundee's Cell #?

Please excuse me while I complain.

I haven't been sleeping well again.  And while I refuse hesitate to start in again on the "Disappointment that is our New Mattress", it has once more proven itself my nemesis.
We have decided to take advantage of the "if you don't like it during this certain time period, you can trade it back in, pay a penalty and another delivery fee, get a new one, and make it possible for some poor sucker to buy this awful one at one of our Lovely Outlet Stores".

So I'm just warning you, if you're mattress shopping, you might want to put it off for a week or two.

No, it's not just the mattress.  It's also this HORRIBLE PURPLE NIGHTGOWN.

I think I mentioned before that I have this favorite nightgown, and as fate would have it I LEFT IT AT THE FARM.  So I have been forced to wear this other monstrosity which is not only purple (which I hate) it is also made of some fabric that is really better suited for HAZMAT clothing.

At one point I woke up last night and almost screamed out

"CHIEF, CHIEF, A CROCODILE HAS ATTACKED ME AND IS TRYING TO KILL ME WITH A DEATH ROLL"

But it's a good thing I didn't because I finally realized that it wasn't a crocodile at all that was trying to kill me, it was THE AWFUL PURPLE NIGHTGOWN. (Not that there would have been much of a chance that The Chief would have gotten concerned or anything, he always seems remarkably calm in these life or death situations.)

It's the fabric.  It doesn't turn.  When I turn, it doesn't turn.  And with the "devil's mattress" that I am currently sleeping on, I turn a lot.  I end up all twisted.

Like my ENTIRE BODY is being strangled.


And you know what?  Don't think I don't know just exactly what you're thinking..

No, don't think it for ONE MINUTE..

You're thinking "Get a new nightgown, dummy, Get a new mattress!"

"BY GOLLY TAKE SOME ACTION, GIRL!"


And in response to that I say, "FINE!"

And I also say "You're all just like The Chief!"


I bet you wouldn't even NOTICE if a 800 pound reptile tried to whirl you around and kill you while you slept, would you?

SO THERE.