I'm not a big spender. I'm not.
Which is my fancy intro into the following story about how I have CLEARLY spent too much on something.
I haven't had a functional blender in over three years. (I first typed functional bladder by mistake) but that's another story for another time. Yes, I've been without the ability to puree anything for a while now. I do have, you'll remember from another post, one of those immersion blender thing-y's, but I'm telling you right now, and with all sincerity, those things are dangerous and should be illegal. It would be safer for you to be in a room with me and some guns and shells (OH I know some of them use bullets, but I can never keep it all straight) than with an immersion blender and some meringue.
So anyway, I've limped along lo these many years blenderless, and by golly, think I've done a pretty good job of holding myself together about it.
But it's summer y'all. Blender Season. And I decided last week that I was just gonna bite the bullet/shell, so to speak, and buy one.
Since about 2001 I've been enamored/infatuated with a particular type of blender that let's just call the Blender O'Wonder (or BOW! for short). I first saw it demonstrated at a gourmet foods show and decided then and there that someday, somehow, one of those things was destined to sit on my countertop.
Hallelujah and Amen.
Well, the price, y'all. It was hefty. Even for me who can so cleverly justify (in my mind, of course) the purchase of almost anything cooking/kitchen related. So I have put it off all these years feeling all sacrificial and proud sometimes about my ability to withstand the urge. And the urge, at times, IT HAS BEEN STRONG.
And again I say for emphasis, BUT.
A glorious thing happened. I happened to be wandering through a large housewares store recently where I was looking at the Tervis Tumblers (and OH MY GOODNESS SAKES, if you don't have any PLEASE REMEDY THIS OVERSIGHT SOON) and I stumbled upon the BOW! Yes, the BOW! was offered up for sale at this large housewares store THAT SENDS OUT 20% OFF COUPONS ON A REGULAR BASIS. And I had an epiphany y'all. I could get 20% off the BOW! with one of those coupons that was sitting quietly in my home next to the church bulletins and the magazine renewal things that I never remember to send in.
Well, this was a delightful turn of events, and if I may say so A BRILLIANT IDEA ON MY PART.
I told The Chief about my plan that evening. And of course, he was JUST AS THRILLED AS I WAS.
Except, not really.
So I pulled this old one out of my arsenal "Look Mr. Chief Man, how much did you pay for your Big Tractor?" "Huh"?
And The Chief very calmly replied "Lu, Can your blender mow the pasture"?
Well, no. No it can't.
But it can make Frozen Strawberry Lemonade. So there.
Welcome to Logic Land. I'm Lu. Your host.
Anyway, The Chief left to go out of town and that is when I do my best logic-type work.
I put it off for a few days, and then caved. I dug out my coupon and quickly checked the expiration date (because although some of the checkers don't care, occasionally you'll get a STRICT RULE FOLLOWER), and I did not want a glitch. But what do I spy there at the bottom of the coupon? A list of all the items that you can't use the coupon for. And right there near the end of the list? The BOW!
Defeated. That's what I was. It was a punch in the stomach, to say the least.
I told The Chief about it on the phone that evening. "Well, that's too bad Lu. It looks like if you really want it you're going to have to pay full price..."
And darn it, if that didn't sound like some REAL SPOUSAL SUPPORT to me.
So the very next day, I marched myself into that store, picked up the one remaining BOW!, placed it in my cart and sashayed myself right up to the register.
The cashier was a young girl, and she looked so sweet, and at this point the guilt was kind of setting in that I was actually, you know, BUYING IT, and so I felt led to tell her the long story about how I thought I could use the coupon and got so excited, then realized I couldn't and was so sad, and then just decided to go ahead and risk The Chief, you know, never speaking to me again and all, and she looked at me and said (probably out of fear that I was medicated and had a weapon of some sort) "Ma'am, if you have your coupon with you, let's go ahead and try it."
To which I replied, "But I don't think it will work."
And the PRECIOUS CASHIER ANGEL swiped my coupon anyway and it worked.
It was obviously deemed and written in my life story from the beginning.
And I tried not to make a big scene when I crawled across the check- out counter to hug her neck.
Nor did I wet myself when the alarm went off when I pushed my cart out the door. But it was close.
I thought surely the alarm KNEW I was not supposed to get the discount. I tried not to stop breathing when the manager came over and determined that the only trouble was one of the security tag things
that the CASHIER FROM HEAVEN had forgotten to remove. And I really worked hard to not sweat profusely when he checked my receipt.
And I thought it might look a little strange if I actually skipped across the parking lot to my car, so I didn't.
But I wanted to.
So, the next time you are in need of blending, frappe'-ing or whathaveyou, I'm your girl.
And if by chance in the next few years they come out with a hay baler/post hole digger attachment?