I'm thinking of starting a club.
I mean, I don't really officially belong to anything club-ish.
There are a lot of groups for ladies around here. I see them all the time. They have little write-ups in the paper about their meetings and all their activities and spring/summer soirees and whathaveyou. They are tan and very well dressed, and like to wear things in the halter-style.
They are pretty easy to spot out in public, like at the mall or the HEB (although I don't think they go to the HEB very much).
Let's see, there's:
1) The Tennis Ladies - Talk about tan, these are the girls. They all look athletic and lean and wear short tennis skirts and visors. They always have a few errands to take care of while they are still dressed in their tennis attire. Surprisingly, they DON'T SWEAT. Perhaps there is some type of Tennis Lady Antiperspirant that one can get only after joining the group and passing muster and such.
2) The Ladies Who Lunch - These girls are really into sleeveless tops, really spiffy summer sandals highlighted by extremely bright toenails, and great purses. OH. And they ALWAYS EAT SALAD.
I'm not sure what they find to talk about at their daily lunches, but I am interested to know.
3) The Super Moms - These ladies spend their summers transporting their kids to week-long camps and daily camps and morning and evening camps. They enroll the little ones in cotillion and sports and dance at age 3 because this is necessary in order for them to make the baseball/football/dance/volleyball team in High School.
They sacrifice it all for the kids.
Of course, I am much too old for this group.
So, I'm considering my own group. Here are a few of the membership requirements:
1) You would rather be shot than go into any public building wearing a short tennis skirt.
2) You feel that it is best for society in general if you wear as few sleeveless tops as necessary.
3) You really want to always wear cute-high heeled summer sandals, but your feet hurt a lot, and you REALLY, REALLY would rather just wear your new cushioned walking Nike's everyday. Forever.
4) You know (without a doubt) that your kids aren't perfect, but you're pretty sure that's why you love them so much.
5) Sometimes you would just rather be by yourself and read a book.
6) You may or may not have eaten Onion Rings and a small bag of M&M's as a meal yesterday.
If you are interested in joining, please send me your application fee. We won't ever actually MEET or anything, because that is too schedule-y.
You'll just be satisfied knowing you're a member.
Now I shall go search out some type of medication for my cynicism. You are welcome to forget you know me.