So I just thought I should let you all know that later this afternoon I'm having a big contest! You don't want to miss it.
I'm trying to find the person with the Most Fabulous and Special Lawn-Mowing Skills! All you have to do to enter is:
1. Show up here at my house. (Make sure you're dressed appropriately for yard work- you want to look the part, of course.)
2. Each contestant will mow a section of my yard and will be judged (by me) on speed, quality and sharpness of "mower lines", efficiency of emptying the bag, and neatness. Everyone will be given the opportunity to mow a large section as I desire to make this contest as fair as possible.
We're on the up and up around here.
3. All contestants will sign a waiver that covers a few minor things like NEVER TELLING THE CHIEF THAT YOU PARTICIPATED IN, OR HAVE KNOWLEDGE OF ANY SUCH CONTEST EVER HAVING TAKEN PLACE.
4. In the case of a tie, we'll break the tie with a contest of weed-eating skills. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure there'll be a tie.
I'm prophetic like that.
I'm limiting the participants to just the first 100 to enter.
So please, don't be late.